A Poem for Amanda Bynes

Dear Amanda Bynes,

I hope this poem crosses no boundaries or  lines,

I’ve had a thing for you ever since I can remember,

Your face in my mind January through December.

You began your career on the show All That,

Your costar Lori Beth Denberg was incredibly fat.

The show never made me laugh much, I blame the writing,

But knowing you could make an appearance made things exciting.

From there you got your own spinoff called The Amanda Show,

Your career was on the rise, one might say it began glow.

The next hit you had was a show called What I Like About You,

Amanda, don’t make me list all those reasons, that list I could never get through.

You have unique beauty that could often go overlooked,

If you were a prostitute and I was a John you would be overbooked.

In 2007 you signed a deal with clothing company Steve & Barry’s,

By 2009 the company filed for bankruptcy, that must have felt like a punch to the ovaries.

In 2010 you retired from being an actor,

For your decision I’m sure there were many factors.

But then you decided to come back for the fans you adore,

Amanda Bynes was not done yet, Hollywood would have itself a war.

You played a religious villain in the film Easy A,

I actually watched the movie on FX while I was on vacation in LA.

There was nothing else on the television and I did not feel like going out,

But having you on my TV screen gave me no reason to pout.

Earlier this year you had some legal troubles,

Your drinking and driving left your career in rubbles.

From She’s the Man to Sydney White,

Amanda Bynes your edge had lost its bite.

Go back to the days when you were young, mean, and cocky,

Don’t let your figure go, I’m not into girls who are stocky.

Since you have no license I offer you this,

Give me one call and I’ll drive you anywhere for just the price of one kiss.

I’ll take you anywhere my Subaru can drive us,

You have to admit, I am a lot less creepy than any guy you would meet on the city bus.

To your summer home, to a job, or even to the moon we shall go,

With me in your life Amanda Bynes, you will once again begin to glow.

So leave me your name and maybe even your number,

I’ve got a queen size bed welcome for you to take a slumber.

I can see us growing old together and having a happy life,

So I ask you Amanda Bynes, please be my mentally unstable wife.

9 thoughts on “A Poem for Amanda Bynes

    • It’s a very Shakespearian/Alanis Morrissette thing to really horseshoe some of those rhymes in there. This poem just flowed through me. That’s what happens when you speak from the heart.

  1. This was beautiful. I liked the nod to Lori Beth Denberg. She was incredibly fat. And loud. The Amanda Show was pretty good actually. I really like the poem though, so creative and awesome. Nice way to mix it up!

    • Thank you! I always thought Little Pete and Lori Beth Denberg would end up together despite their age difference. Why was Lori Beth so much older than everyone else? She was born in 1976.

      I really wish Amanda nothing but the best. And by best I mean me. She should be with me.

      • She really should. I used to go on AmandaPlease.com all the time when I was like, 11.
        I always thought Pete and Lori would’ve been cute together too! When they would sit next to each other on Figure It Out, they always had a lot of chemistry.

      • You were clearly a bigger Amanda fan than I was. She was refreshingly mean on Nickelodeon or so it appeared.

        I use the “he’s fat, she’s fat” and the “he’s got red hair, she’s got red hair” logic to pair Little Pete and Lori up together. It’s cruel but whom among us can’t say we’ve been set up with someone based on a physical flaw?

  2. Mandy Mooselicker?
    Hmmm…. That’s certainly memorable. She’d never forget who she was no matter what happened..

    Delightfully earnest tribute!

    Set it to music.
    Maybe she’ll glow.
    She’s worth the risk.
    Surely you know.

    (Sorry, can’t resist a poetry smackdown)
    I’m going to click to Like this, even though I think you’re kidding me and that’s SHE’S Hannah Montana.


    • Can’t I be half-kidding? Surely I’d take her out and try to impress her. I don’t see things lasting very long though. I’d probably make her order an appetizer instead of an entree. She’s too fancy.

      I love your rhyme you added in. I’m the same way, once I see some rhyming I have to jump in.

      I’m starting to think you assume all young girls are Hannah Montana haha

  3. Pingback: Crazy Chicks, Playgrounds, Ducks, & Ginger Hosts « Mooselicker


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