Before there was Zumba there was Zoom. Other than both starting with the letter Z, neither has much in common. I do think they say Zumba in the Zoom theme song though. Doesn’t it go “Come on and Zoom. Come on and Zoom. Come on and Zumba Zumba Zumba Zoom. Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!”? I really hope the Zoom lawyers get cash compensation every time a Zumba class takes place.

Zoom first premiered in 1972. It was an educational show for children produced mostly by children. I think by that they mean it starred children and adults bossed them around and did all the hard things, you know, like making sure it actually gets on television.


(The original cast standing behind the then current cast. I’m so glad even as adults most of them didn’t lose their annoying pep)

I never watched the original version. You have to figure a lot of those kids got caught up in the cocaine fad in the early 1980s and tragically died. The show was basically Saturday Night Live with children instead of adults. Because you know, everyone who watches Saturday Night Live has always said “This isn’t funny. Why aren’t there any prepubescents making wise cracks?”

When I watched Zoom in 1999 I always had trouble buying into it. I liked some of the sketches but then the group would gather around and have serious discussions about homework or where an uncle should and shouldn’t be allowed to touch you.

I had a crush on a few of the girls. Looking at their names on Wikipedia, where I do all my research, I’m pretty sure it was Keiko Yoshida and Alisa Besher whom my heart belonged to. What I remember loving about Keiko was she looked very Japanese-American which I find quite endearing. I’m sure she’s only that way because of the Concentration Camps set up in Western United States during WWII. As far as I’m concerned this was a small price to pay for such a cute race of women. I’m pretty sure Alisa was the redhead. I didn’t so much like her red hair as much as I liked how curly and poofy it was. Why are girls always straightening their hair? If it was up to me girls would look like they have bushes on their heads. It’s adorable and it always gives you a place to hide/urinate.

Little is known about what happened to the most recent cast. Jared Nathan was killed in a car crash in New Hampshire back in 2006. The driver of his car was drunk. Nathan, did you learn nothing from the discussion you had with Estuardo, Aline, and Shing Ying Shieh teach you nothing? Never get into a car with a drunken driver. What are all those kids who were only allowed to watch PBS going to think now?


(This is what I imagine it looks like right before you get dragged into hell)

I think I just remembered why I liked Keiko so much. If I’m not mistaken, she had braces. I also liked girls with braces. It’s the same reason today why I enjoy looking at rappers with shiny grills in their mouths. An attraction to braces is actually an ancient instinctual thing. It lets you know the girl comes from a family that can afford healthcare. Marrying into such a family means marrying up in the world.

I think if you learned anything from reading this it’s that I don’t remember anything about Zoom. I also think all the things I said about Keiko were actually meant to be about the cast member Caroline. Am I going to get arrested for spending all this time talking about girl braces?


10 thoughts on “Zoom

  1. I vaguely recall this show, but nothing about it stands out to me. Wasn’t All That on Nick kind of like SNL for kids? The ultimate irony is that Kel Thompson actually went on to be on SNL. He likely drugged Lorne Michaels so that he couldn’t see tapes of his inspired Good Burger performances.

    • Zoom was actually more educationally and not funny at all. It had a very “Laugh-In” sense of humor with a few corny one-liners at best. I imagine a lot of religion children were told it was All That only to find out years later they were being lied to.

  2. Pingback: Savages, Japanese-Americans, & Spiders « Mooselicker

  3. I remember my mom telling me that she watched Zoom when she was little so I never felt fully comfortable watching the 90’s version. It seemed false. I also didn’t like overly excited kids (I’ll touch on this subject when I eventually write about Barney) and I really don’t like learning in my free time.

    • I felt the same way about the Flinstones. As if the show wasn’t old enough there I was finding out my parents watched it. Peppy kids are never fun. I’m thinking those Zoom kids did a lot of drugs offset. I smell scandal.

  4. I rated this show waaay down there with the Telly Tubbies (those things were damned creepy). Can’t you remember ‘Ubbie Dubbie’? I barely watched it at all to understand what the hell they were saying and half of the stories or whatever they were saying were mangled words (‘ub’ behind every vowel I think). Meh.

    • Oh geez yes I remember that language. It annoyed me too. I think the big problem was they tried explaining why it was a clever language to learn yet never bothered to really sit down and teach us how to speak Ubbie Dubbie. I think they were trying to capitalize on Pig Latin’s popular in the 1990s and failed. Could this have been the beginning of ebonics?

  5. My younger brother was strangely obsessed with this show. And my mother (who only allowed PBS-equse cartoons in her house) was encouraging of this.

    Unfortunately this caused a strange Tourettes Syndrome in my family where we would randomly yell out “SEND IT TO ZOOM. OHHHHH TWO OOOONE THREE FOUR.”

    I forget what the hell that was about. Ugh. Stupid brother.


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