Dora the Explorer

Let me just start off by saying Dora is a bitch. You’re probably thinking that I’m being way too harsh towards that little four year old Mexican girl, but I think you’re being too soft. Dora is abusive to her audience and if no one’s going to stand up and stop the cruelty, I will. Because that’s just the kind of person I am. I don’t take crap from four year olds.

Dora the Explorer is a show about a little girl who lives with her madre and padre in Mexico and her explorations. Her adventures are always super lame and usually achieve nothing. Along the way she tries to sneak in Spanish words to teach the children watching her show. Little does she know, kids aren’t interested in learning other languages or learning in general. The annoying part is, Dora can speak English perfectly well, so why she feels the need to interlace sentences with Espanol, I don’t know. Super pretentious.

Her companion Boots, a talking monkey, is always along for the ride, pointing out the obvious and asking stupid questions. If Dora and Boots can’t find something they’re looking for they ask, “Can you help us?” I would help Dora and Boots, but they never even try looking. They don’t even turn around. How can you find something if you’re constantly looking straightforward? Maybe if you’d turn around for once in your life you would see the cat in the tree. I’m not one to stereotype but Dora is a lazy person that happens to be Mexican. I tried to say that in the least offensive way possible. Is she Mexican? I don’t know. She might be from South America.

She can't even find clothes that fit properly. Full-on disgrace.

She can’t even find clothes that fit properly. Full-on disgrace.

Her backpack and map help her find her way on her adventures. The fact that her parents let her go on travels that require a map is terrifying. I don’t know how they do things in Mexico, but that’s muy loco. If you don’t speak Spanglish, that’s okay. You’re a better person than I am. Backpack introduces himself with a catchy song and asks the audience’s advice about what Dora needs to help her out of sticky situations. Problem is, he never lets you choose the wrong thing and watch Dora die. Map has an even catchier song than Backpack but a worse singing voice. He gives you directions and repeats them over and over until you have them memorized and tell them back to Dora. He’s usually pretty patronizing. Like, I think I can remember to go around the barn, through the woods and over the bridge.

The best part about the show is Swiper the fox. Swiper wears a sweet bandana and tries to steal stuff from Dora and Boots. Things that they claim they need, but they’re obviously just hoarders hanging onto everything they find. If Dora and Boots spot Swiper before he gets his hands on their stuff, they can stop him by saying “Swiper no swiping!” three times. I don’t know what stops him about those words. Sometimes he actually succeeds in stealing their stuff and he’ll usually throw it in the bushes or something. Kind of lame after all that work.demonologyofdora-splash

At the end of each show, Dora will ask the audience what their favorite part of the day was. If you take too long, she’ll interrupt you and say “I liked that part too. My favorite part was…” It’s like, ummm excuse me slut I wasn’t done telling you my favorite part. And if you talk too fast she’ll just stand their blinking at you. It’s a lose/lose really.

I don’t see how Dora is a role model for children. Her cousin Diego, on the other hand, is an impressive human being and deserves to be commended. He works with animals and now he has his own show called Diego is the Best. Just kidding. It’s called Go, Diego! Go!

Eventually Dora’s mom gave birth to nameless fraternal twins. Dora occasionally refers to them as the Super Babies. The only thing that makes them super is if you compare them to Dora.

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10 thoughts on “Dora the Explorer

  1. Haha, my cousin has two girls that are obsessed with Dora, or at least, the oldest was and now the youngest has so whenever they come over I had to sit through Dora as if I tried to hide in my room then I have to try and find cartoons that aren’t too offensive to put on. I’ve never actually paid attention to it though I usually just read while it plays in the background but if it’s teaching kids to go on trips on their own then it’s obvs a bad idea. I’d like to see Dora get abducted and thrown in a trunk. That’ll show her.

    • Haha I always loved when kids were around because then I could watch kids shows without people questioning me. Omg they should make an episode where Dora gets thrown in a trunk and ends up crossing the border to the US. I feel like the episode would be fun and educational!

  2. Like I said on The Facebook, this was my favorite post you’ve done yet. Someone else told me they really liked this post. Be proud and kick the next girl in a Dora backpack you see for me.

  3. Pingback: Award Ceremonies « Mooselicker

    • That’s amazing. My favorite part is when she’s like “Do you see Swiper?” So good. So true. I should write to College Humor about how they stole my idea.

  4. Pingback: Table of Contents | Kidz Showz

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