Franklin

When I was younger I picked my favorite things by picking whatever started with the same letter as my name, Tim. Now I pick my favorite things by deciding what is the least evil and embarrassing to admit to enjoying. Picking a favorite animal starting with the letter T wasn’t hard because most animals in general rule. Favorite animals of mine starting with the letter T have included tigers, tarantulas, and pterodactyls. I refuse to acknowledge the existence of silent P’s. I’m not Greek. My favorite animal growing up though was the one animal starting with the letter T that was also my favorite color, green. This animal is the turtle. You can only imagine how much I adored Franklin.

franklin

(Almost there dude. Franklin looks way too old to have this much difficulty spelling his name)

Franklin was based on a book series like many kid’s shows are/were. I use the slash because most kid’s shows produced these days are based on pot dreams the writers have had. Yes, that was a gentle jab. I was a fan of the book series Franklin. He being a turtle had me interested, but it was his red baseball cap that drew me in. I wore/wear lots of hats. I could relate. I use the slash here because I didn’t wear hats too much when I was younger because my head so incredibly large for my already incredibly large body. “Having a big head makes the rest of your body look smaller” my mother would say. And then I would cry buttery tears.

Every Franklin book and episode would start off with “Franklin could count by twos and tie his shoes” then follow up with whatever problem Franklin would have in this adventure. Problems always seem less harsh when they rhyme. “The doctor says I have 3 weeks to live that’s all he’ll give” sounds a lot more fun than saying “I’m going to die soon.” I always thought the writers were rubbing it in my face saying how Franklin could count by twos and tie his shoes. It took me until I was 10 to learn how to tie my shoes. Counting by twos, let’s not get into how bad I am at that.

The silliest thing about Franklin was how he was the only character with a real name. His dad was Mr. Turtle, his mom was Mrs. Turtle, and his best friend was Bear who was a bear. Other friends are Rabbit, Fox, Goose, Skunk, and Beaver. Guess what each one of them was. I thought this was very lazy. Why does Franklin get his own human name while poor Beaver probably gets insulted all the time for having a name slang for a vagina? Didn’t Seinfeld date Beaver in an episode? Every time someone farts they turn to Skunk and Skunk gets blamed because that’s what skunks do, they fart. I have a feeling Skunk was only around so the rest of the gang would know they weren’t the least liked in the group.

Franklin_Turtle_-_Soccer_Heroes_8893

(These animals are so adorable. My only problem with this is Bear should be eating half of them and Mr. Owl should swoop down to pick up Badger and Rabbit before bringing them back to his nest to eat them alive)

Reading up on Franklin I have found a few incredibly tragic facts about the show. His grandma lost her home and her parents in a fire. Yes, this Canadian produced show had the mention of turtles dying in fire. A human dying in a fire is grim enough. A turtle burning to death seems menacing. Turtles hate the heat. One time I found a turtle wandering around nowhere near water on a summer day. I brought it home and fed it for a week then released it at a lake near my house. I thought I was doing it a good deed, possibly saving it from fires, but in retrospect I probably yanked it away from its environment. There was something on the news about a turtle suicide but not until now have I realized it was probably my turtle.

My least favorite character on the show was a character named Snail. I can accept a turtle being best friends with a bear in the woods. I can even accept their teacher being an owl. You start to lose me when there’s a mole who sells hardware. I check out when you bring a talking snail into an equation. Snails are the vilest creatures other than the slug. The only difference from what I understand is that snails have shells. I’m sorry but snails make me uncomfortable. I don’t care how kind-hearted or sweet Snail may have been. Nobody likes a creature that slides around leaving slime instead of foot prints.

snail

(You can spot Snail distracting Franklin here right before he walks into a butterfly)

As uncomfortable as this show could be to watch sometimes I still liked it. Is it pretentious of me to say the books were better though? Franklin was a little too goody-goody for pledging my absolute allegiance to. The show had a lot of valuable lessons and it was borderline educational. Even if you hated Franklin you will have to admit the characters are some of the cutest, even if actuality they are naked children.

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6 thoughts on “Franklin

  1. I got really excited when I saw you were writing about Franklin. You made a lot of good observations. Franklin really stood out like a sore thumb. He’s bright green and the only one with a real name. Did you ever watch Little Bear? Franklin was kind of a rip off of that because all the characters had names like Bear, Cat, Chicken, Duck, etc.
    Why are owls always the teachers? Like, I get that they’re wise, but are they? How do we know that they’re wise? I feel like parrots are wiser than owls because at least they can talk.
    Also, why the f*ck is their coach a koala bear? He shouldn’t be able to survive in the forest.

    • I remember Little Bear a little bit. No, that wasn’t a pun. Didn’t the Little Bear person also write Hunger Games? I swear I saw that somewhere and am too busy to look it up. Not busy, lazy.

      I blame those old tootsie pop commercials for us thinking owls are wise. Maybe you should write something about that. I mean there’s him, Mr. Owl here, the owl in Winnie the Pooh, uhhh that might be it but three is a big number for an argument. And I agree on parrots being smarter. Didn’t one solve a crime or is that another Urban Legend I hope to be true?

      I laughed out loud at your last statement about Coach Koala dying because he has to live in a forest. These are hard economic times. You gotta take a job where you can get one.

Kommentz

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