A Poem for Victoria Justice

Dear Victoria Justice,

Nothing is as strong for you as my lust is.

Your acting chops are new and you’re getting some good experience,

But who pays attention if you flub a line when you’ve got such a lovely appearance.

You were born in 1993 which makes me feel a tad old and creepy,

I swear Victoria, I will not slip any pills into your drinks that will make you sleepy.

Zoey 101 was the show where you got your big break,

You had to work with Jamie Lynn Spears, damn is she fake.

Didn’t she get pregnant when she was like sixteen,

I shouldn’t make fun, that would come off as slightly mean.

And you Victoria are a girl who likes good sensitive guys,

I always cry when I see a film where in the end the dog dies.

Other than acting you’re a really good singer,

In my ears those beauty lyrics you sing they often linger.

I’d love you to serenade me under an apple tree,

Perhaps I’ll bring a picnic basket and where things go we will see.

I like a rock who can rock but also have a soft side,

I’ve also been told by more than one girl that I’m fun to ride.

They may have been lying because I was paying for their rent,

Now my ex-girlfriend is boning some nerd named Kent.

Seriously who gives a child such a lame name,

It’s not like Victoria, a name that brings no shame.

Victorious is the show you currently have on air,

You get to sing a lot and show off your flair.

Personally I’ve never seen an episode because I don’t have cable,

The first naked woman I ever saw was a picture of the 1990s wrestler named Sable.

What I admire most about you Victoria is your philanthropy,

Kindness to my heart, that is the key.

A cure for AIDS, women’s rights, and generally world peace are important to you,

Out of those three I only really care about two.

Don’t get me wrong I swear I’d be a great lover,

I own two bed sheets so we’d never have to fight over the covers.

Sometimes late at night I fear if we ever met I’d blow it,

You’d think I was a monster not worth shit.

Remember this Victoria I’ve never had a cavity,

Also I swear, when I get you into my bedroom you will know no gravity.

So I open my heart for you to respond,

Of you Victoria I am very fond.

Your hard work and perseverance should be admired by all,

Please Victoria, give me a phone call.

If I don’t answer at first it doesn’t mean I’m mad,

You entering my life Victoria would make this boy very glad.