Gargoyles

It’s rare I would be willing to recommend a show to people of any age and tell them they will find something to enjoy about it. Gargoyles is a show I would tell anyone to give a shot to. I honestly believe this show was so ahead of its time we’re not even there yet. An epic theme song, awesome mythological references, and an extremely dark plot lines, there’s a reason why this show never was as popular as it deserved. People simply don’t like awesome things. Want an example? Zooey “Overrated” Deschanel has her own TV show. I rest my case.

I will admit most of this post will be kissing ass. There are few things I can say suck about this show. It was produced by Disney and started off with a four-part series explaining the origin of the Gargoyles. They came from Scotland around Mediaeval times. A curse was put on them and they woke up in modern day New York City thanks to a series of events that would take four episodes to explain. Okay maybe this show wasn’t popular because it was a little complicated for children.

Gargoyles-cartoon

(Bronx, Lexington, Brooklyn, Goliath, Hudson, Broadway. Unless you’re Chinese I think you can figure out the order I went in, left to right)

The Gargoyle clan originally consisted of the leader Goliath who had an awesome name and a few who had to adapt names in modern day New York because they weren’t good enough to earn real names back in Scotland. The others in the clan were Hudson named after the river, Broadway named after the street, Bronx and Brooklyn were both named after the boroughs, and then there was Lexington who got the worst name of all. I guess they couldn’t name him Queens though. A gay gargoyle would cause too much confusion for a little boy’s mind.

These Gargoyles had many awesome adventures. I don’t use the word awesome too often either except when describing my naked body to a girl over the phone while prank phone calling. The main antagonists were David Xanatos and a female gargoyle named Demona. David was the millionaire who actually bought the castle the gargoyles had lived on. He was so rich and eccentric he decided to put the castle on top of his skyscraper. I think there was an episode where he rubbed it in Richard Branson’s face how much more exciting he could be. Demona had red hair and was Goliath’s former lover. She was incredibly evil and on occasion worked with Xanatos but they had their own strange sexual tension which often led to one betraying the other.

xanatos

(Xanatos was voiced by Jonathon Frakes who is known for Star Trek, Beyond Belief, and having a voice I would love to listen to while making love)

Helping the gargoyles along the way was a police officer named Elisa Maza. Yeah, they let women be cops now. Who knew? She had dark hair and in certain light it looked blue. She also had a hot body and for some reason was never seen with a man other than Goliath. Speaking of sexual tension, it was often teased that Goliath and Elisa would have sex. Creepy.

360px-GoliathElisa2

(This is why we can’t let the gays get married. Next thing you know Gargoyles will start stealing our women)

I think though now that I’m older my favorite thing about the show was there was a long-running storyline about the Illuminati. Who approves a kid’s show where the Illuminati are talked about? Someone awesome, that’s who. Like a lot of shows of the time there was sometimes over the top violence and a ton of death. I listened to a DVD commentary where they explained how most of the time they had someone get pushed off a cliff or a castle because they could get away with it easier. Honestly, I’m getting a little turned on right now remembering how awesome this show was.

At one point my life was very Gargoyles geared. They had their own brand of ice pop. Inside the popsicles were pop rocks so when you ate this frozen treat your mouth would pop. I also had a board game based on the show which was scary. It was one of those old board games where you watch a video and play then occasionally someone comes on the screen to scare you and demands you do something. Did anyone else play these games? I played a few. The coolest time Gargoyles entered my life was in 2nd grade on Halloween. I had broken my leg about a month earlier and being wheelchair bound it looked like I would have to be Stephan Hawking. My mom thought quickly and made me into a gargoyle, Goliath to be specific. I wore a grey sweat suit with a Goliath mask. On the wheelchair handlebars were the gargoyle wings. My mom put so much effort into this costume the next year I was a baseball player who simply carried around a baseball bat and a Phillies shirt. They can’t all be winners.

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8 thoughts on “Gargoyles

  1. My brother used to watch this show and I ended up watching a few episodes here and there. I really liked all of their names, even Lexington. They were so foreign to me. I really enjoyed the action figures. My bro had most of them. We were collectors in that we needed ever “guy” that the toy stores offered.

    I learned a lot from this piece. I like that there was a whole back story that was basically too complicated for any child except you. That’s sweet that your mom made you into Goliath. Aww 🙂

    • I remember the action figures too. They were a little too flimsy, their wings would always fall off. I remember my sister bringing the Xanatos one into class though for some project. I think she just liked bearded men.

      The backstory to this was great. I watched this show again maybe 2 years ago (Holy shit time flies by fast) and loved the show even more. I must find pictures of me as a disabled Goliath.

  2. Sadly, I think I know far too much about Gargoyles. I have a box of all of the action figures. They’re mixed in with the X-men. I’m not sure who would win if they were to battle it out.
    you raise a good point about Queens being avoided as a name. Also I must have missed the illuminati storyline.. What the….?
    I wish I could see that costume. That’s probably a good memory of your mom… 🙂

    • The Illuminati storyline was Season 2 and 3 and was actually pretty constant. Like who does that on a kid’s show? I wonder what I thought about those episodes when I was younger and didn’t know who the Illuminati were.

      I’m going to do my best to find old pictures one day because like most moms we have evidence of everything. There’s a whole storage unit full of crap nobody wants to clean out. There’s gotta be a Goliath photo in there somewhere.

  3. I love Gargoyles. Fox was my favorite character. Not only because I love foxes, but because she was a badass chick who didn’t take shit from anyone. I prefer characters who are just a little bit bad, but not a true psychopath (more just slight-sociopath).

    I had a gorgeous box set of Season 1 and partial Season 2 (they hadn’t released the whole thing on DVD at that time yet) but my stupid conniving ex (who claimed to also be a huge fan) stole them when we broke up. Bitch.

    I have yet to track down another set for a reasonable price. Too many crazed fans out there keeping it up at balls-ass expensive.

    • Gargoyles was truly amazing wasn’t it? You can always do what I would sometimes do and keep the Netflix disc. As long as you do it only very rarely you’ll get away with it. Or you can get a job and afford the thing no matter what the price is. That’s totally lame. Stealing is cooler.

Kommentz

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