A Poem for Alexa Vega

Dear Alexa Vega,

Those breasts, wow did they become mega.

It’s pretty clear they’re not real so why pretend,

I’ve got no problem with them so to me you don’t have to defend.

Your choices are yours and I’ll accept you for you,

Alexa Vega accept my invitation of love and find out what we’ll do.

I’ll start off by telling you all of your quirks,

We’ll love and we’ll dine, trust me this works.

You’ll fall for my charm or possibly my grace,

At times you may think I’m a bit of a nutcase.

You’re best known for Spy Kids a franchise I never viewed,

But now that your breasts are massive, anything you do my eyes will be glued to.

Most of the stunts in those films were performed by no double,

You clearly like putting your life in peril and trouble.

This is why I believe we’d be perfect as one,

If you want to get real dangerous I can always hit you with a gun.

Your career took you into other ventures that nobody ever cared for,

Those films never made much money, does this mean now you’re poor?

I hope it doesn’t because I want you to provide for me,

I’m a starving artist without a consistent income you see.

But Alexa give me a chance to provide love and support,

I can get my career off the ground then we’ll have enough cocaine to share and snort.

Ask any of my exes, I’m a really great guy,

And I’m great at sex, if they tell you differently it’s a damn lie!

You’re also a singer which gives me butterflies so much more,

For you Alexa unlocked is always my door.

Freshwater fishing is one of your hobbies,

What a coincidence, sometimes I steal the internet from hotel lobbies.

I know it’s not the same but have you ever tried writing a poem?,

It’s not as easy as it looks because Jews are always saying Shabbat Shalom.

Later this year out comes your new movie,

It’s called Machete Kills and on paper it looks groovy.

Although I did see the first and thought it was absolute crap,

To get through this one I may have to take a pre-movie nap.

In the end it doesn’t matter what you do with your career,

All that matters is that you and I remain near.

Let me add it’s more than your breasts that I like,

I also enjoy the way you assemble a bike.

I’m not sure what it would look like exactly but I’m sure it’s great,

Alexa Vega, isn’t it clear you and me need to get together for a date?

I’ll take you wherever you want,

I’ll just be happy to have a nice piece of arm candy to flaunt.

You’ll smile and laugh all night I promise,

I know this for a fact because I’m a descendant of Nostradamus.

Your smile, your cheeks, those hazel eyes so dark,

Do you feel that Alexa Vega, it’s a love spark.

You don’t have to tell me you love me so soon because I know one day you will,

Until you accept my invitation for a date I will remain unloved and still.


11 thoughts on “A Poem for Alexa Vega

  1. Beautiful. I like the part about how hard it is to write poems. Shabbat Shalom. Hhah.

    I actually saw the first spy kids and I thought it was cute. I was probably 14 though so I was still too old to be watching it. Oh well.

    • I saw the third one, Spy Kids 3D. I actually put it on the other day because it’s on YouTube and I needed some background noise. It’s only like an hour and 15 minutes. How do they get away with that?

  2. “Freshwater fishing is one of your hobbies,
    What a coincidence, sometimes I steal the internet from hotel lobbies.”


    She can’t possibly resist this. It’s classic.

    • I had to use a little bit of artistic license seeing as I don’t steal the Internet from hotel lobbies anymore. I probably should. It would get me out of the house more.

      Glad you enjoyed!

    • With this economy you have to have a cheap collection lolz!!!

      You have an AOL email address. Do you know what is really creepy? Reading random online poetry at 3 in the morning.


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