It was common for kids in 1995 to mispronounce Pocahontas’ name as PocaTONTus or crazy Indian chick that talks to animals and stole John Smith away from me. This was the movie that singlehandedly made everyone want to love nature and keep the world beautiful so we could jump off waterfalls and talk to willow trees.
The story of Pocahontas takes place in the New World, which is weird because Pocahontas 2 is called Journey to the New World and she goes to England. So which one is the true new world? I really couldn’t care less. Anyway Pocahontas is just chillin’ in her native village and life is proving difficult. Her dad is the Chief and he wants her to marry Kocoum, the village’s hottie warrior.
Luckily, just around the river bend is John Smith (most boring name of all time) who is part of Governor Ratcliffe’s brigade of men looking for gold in the new world. I like how kings just assume that uncharted land has gold in it. They kind of explain in the movie how the Spaniards found gold in South America, so they should find gold everywhere in the Americas. Funny that they didn’t mention how the Spaniards brutally murdered a whole civilization of people, but whatevs. One of my favorite Disney songs is during the scene where they juxtapose Radcliffe and his men digging up Virginia to find gold and John Smith having adventures in the new land that he’s come to love.
One thing that Pocahontas teaches John Smith is that she’s way better at exploring and getting an adrenaline rush than he is. She introduces him to her pet raccoon, Meeko, and her pet hummingbird, Flit. You have to be some sort of animal whisperer if you get a hummingbird to follow you around. I think she also takes him to meet her Grandmother Willow. This girl actually talks to a tree. And the tree talks back which is totally not fair because I tried talking to trees in my backyard after seeing this movie and nothing happened. It was a low point in my life.
I just want to side track for one minute and talk about how hot Pocahontas is quickly. She has awesome hair and huge sexy lips. She also dresses like a super skank but she gets away with it because she has a really good bod. But I refuse to believe that Native Americans ever wore off the shoulder looks with fringe matched with turquoise jewelry. Just no.
So Pocahontas and John Smith get super close after he tried to kill her because he thought she was a savage. Because she was. They can’t really understand each other, but she sings him this really great song about loving the earth and taking into consideration that animals have spirits and so do plants. The song had really great lyrics and it’s a shame that John Smith probably didn’t understand a word that she was saying. Except she knew the word for Sycamore and bobcat which is pretty impressive. She also mentions that she’s “copper skinned”. So do you think if we re-name the Washington Red Skins to the Washington Copper Skins it will be less offensive?
Eventually Pocahontas’ tribe is freaked that she’s hanging out with a “pale skin” and they capture him and get ready to sacrifice him. Ratcliffe’s men realize this and rally themselves to fight the Indians, calling them savages. It’s funny though, both sides were saying an equal amount of hurtful things. It wasn’t just Ratcliffe and his gang. The tribe was super ready to kill some white folk.
Pocahontas throws herself over John Smith to protect him and that’s pretty much all it takes to save him. Ratcliffe is annoyed that he didn’t get to kill any injuns so he tries to shoot Chief Powhatan but ends up shooting John Smith. GOOD ONE. The crew arrests Ratcliffe and everyone goes their separate ways. I think Pocahontas jumps off one last waterfall after that.