I would hate to see the other possible titles this movie could’ve had. They picked a pretty bad one, but I guess Talking Dogs could’ve been worse. It’s the sequel to Look Who’s Talking, a movie about talking babies (I think). I never owned Look Who’s Talking and no one ever played it at any sleepovers I went to which were the only two possible ways I would’ve seen a movie in the 90’s. However, for some reason my parents purchased Look Who’s Talking Now and it was actually entertaining for my under-developed brain.
*Sorry, my bad. Look Who’s Talking Now is the third installment. First it was Look Who’s Talking, followed by Look Who’s Talking Too.
The movie starts out inside a mother dog’s pregnant stomach. It shows her babies being developed and eventually born. I always thought this was super gross and refused to believe that babies grew inside stomachs. Just no. The puppies are born and have to be sold because the family obviously doesn’t have souls. Having 6 more dogs wouldn’t be that bad! There are people dying in the world, and you’re complaining about having a fun life.
One of the mangy mutts gets purchased from the pet store and escapes from the people that bought him. He lives the life of a stray and has the voice of gremlin/New Yorker (Danny Devito). He survives off homeless people food (gross) but eventually gets caught by Animal Rescue facilities and goes to the pound. Nice rescuing.
The family that comes across this dog are pretty motley themselves. The father, James, is played by John Travolta, and get this—he plays a pilot in the movie. It’s like, okay John, we get it. You like planes. You named your son Jet. Time to stop.
The mom, Mollie, is played by Kirstie Alley (in the days when she looked normal) and she gets fired from her job for making too much money. Or so says Wikipedia. Mollie is super worried because she’s been fired during the holiday season and her husband is never home to comfort her and she’s always crying. This was my first glimpse into how bad growing up would really be.
Their kids were Mikey (Simon from 7th Heaven) and Julie (Ugly yet cute child star. She was in The Santa Clause.).
To make up for being an absent father, James wants to buy Mikey a dog. They go to the pound and right before the homeless dog is about to get put to sleep, he runs into Mikey’s arms. They decide to take the mutt home and call him Rocks because that’s what he left in the car. Isn’t this movie hilarious?!
James’ boss, Samantha, has a big crush on him (ew why?) and flirts with him constantly. She randomly brings her dog, Daphne (voiced by Diane Keaton) to James’ house for a present. Daphne is a poodle and is highly trained. She and Rocks are total opposites and start fighting off the bat. But they don’t growl or anything, they just use their words. So yeah, this movie is super fake. If this movie was real, both of the dogs would be dead and the kids would have crazy facial scars because they probably got too close to the dog fight.
Mollie is pissed and says they have to take one back. James doesn’t want to offend his boss, and can’t take Rocks back because he’ll get put to sleep, so now they have two dogs and will most likely get a divorce in a couple years.
Rocks and Daphne fight a lot and then they start to like each other. They go on a date and just walk around the city aimlessly. They fall in love. It’s precious. Except that Rocks still has Danny Devito’s voice.
Samantha tricks James to visit a cabin in the woods with her on Christmas Eve under the guise that her partner will be there. She sends the driver away, only for James to have no choice but to spend the night with her.
Mollie assumes James is having an affair and she takes the kids and the dogs out to go find him. I forget how she gets directions to this cabin in the woods. This might be a plot flaw. While driving in snowy conditions, Mollie crashes and gets the car stuck. Rocks and Daphne go out searching for help, battle wolves, and eventually save the day. I also believe one of them pees on Samantha’s foot which I used to find super rewarding.
If you are interested in watching this movie, it gets 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s not that bad. But it’s close.