Unlike other pieces I have written for this site I am not going to look at the show’s Wikipedia page for help. Even more important, I’m not going to watch more than a few episodes on YouTube. I picked a few episodes of this show at random to see if I could understand a thing that’s going without any background knowledge. Is this show deep or incredibly shallow and simple? Nickelodeon produced it. I think you have your answer.


(From left to right: nerdy guy, crazy girl, black guy, Victoria Justice, Victoria Justice’s sister, Goth girl, useless character)

The first episode I watched was terrible but I found myself wanting to watch more. I’m not going to say it was because the star Victoria Justice has a really nice ass but I’m also not going to deny it. Indeed the show was very easy to pick up on and from these episodes I can tell you all about the show.

Victorious is about an Art School in Southern California because people who live anywhere else other than So. Cal as they call it and New York City have no creative talent. The show’s main character is Tori Vega. In the first episode I watch she reads a book while using her mom’s thigh as a pillow. She’s entirely too old to be doing this. The worst part is I think her mom is single which means who knows what men she meets at the bar do to her thighs. I’m sure it was very comfortable, but it looked incredibly awkward, especially since “Tori” is like 5’7. Okay, she is 5’7. I looked it up online because if we ever met I’d like to know I would still be taller. That’s not creepy. That’s being proactive.


(“If you don’t have anything not gross to say, don’t say anything at all.” – my caption)

As with any show, Tori has a group of friends. There’s a black kid with dreadlocks who I guess is sort of the love interest. He’s a talented musician and the only black kid in school. Way to meet the minimum quota. There’s also a nerdy kid named Robby who carries around a dummy and another nerdy kid named something else. Both aren’t “hot nerds” either. They’re just dweeby skinny kids with glasses and poofy hair. How did they ever get such cool and popular friends? Oh right, this is fiction.

Also included in the cast is a somewhat Gothic girl. She’s not too Goth but she’s totally someone Kat Dennings would play. She’s clearly Tori’s rival because she’s always putting her down or making funny faces at her. They didn’t interact much in the episodes I watched but whenever they did it was mean-spirited. You know how girls can be though, always trying to destroy each other’s image. The Goth girl has a boyfriend who doesn’t do much on the show other than collect a paycheck. If they kill someone off it will probably be him.

There is one character I actually enjoy on the show. Her name is Cat and she’s the token idiot all of these live action kid’s shows seem to have. She’s short, has a strange red shade of hair, and a lovable voice. Her character is the deepest and in my opinion gets the funniest lines. I know I said I wouldn’t look up any information on Wikipedia, but I looked up the actress’s information. It turns out she started dating some Australian guy who has a YouTube band. That’s all it takes to date an actress? Put a song up on YouTube? I’ve wasted way too much of my life trying to get to know girls and accept them for everything they are when this is all I had to do, learn how to play an instrument.

(I swear this video doesn’t do her justice…no pun intended)

My overall opinion of this show is not favorable or unfavorable. Victoria Justice has the comedic range needed. She makes funny faces and voices which is a plus. The only annoying part is every episode has to end with her singing a song. Not that she’s a bad singer, but if I wanted music I’d start up iTunes or watch a Shakira music video.

Victorious is nothing more than another show to showcase Victoria Justice while the producers hope to create another star from the side characters on the show. Normally I’d feel cheated if I knew a show was created for the lone sake of selling CDs. I’ll give this show a pass from my hatred though because I’m pretty sure not too many people enjoy it and I feel bad.

My favorite character Cat is actually getting a spin-off with the character Sam from iCarly. Sam visits Los Angeles to talk about iCarly when she befriends Cat even though Sam’s character would hate her. They start up a babysitting business and that’s the show. Look for it to come this fall. Look for it to disappear this fall as well.



15 thoughts on “Victorious

  1. My first thought when reading this post was, “who the hell is Victoria Justice” and my final thought upon completing this post is “who the hell is Victoria Justice”. I suppose at some point my daughter will watch crappy shows like this one and I will need to know the answer to questions like these. What a downer.

  2. Tim, I can always count on you to make a kids show seem trashy and risqué. haha! Her mom’s thigh, indeed! These types of shows are like big money making machines – they find someone with a good voice and face who can act, even a little, and then they market the hell out of them. You have that exactly right.

    • There’s not much work in trying to make these shows seem risque. A lot of them have such subtle hints of it. After all, I doubt many adults set out to write this kind of show. The fact they’re taking a character from this show and a character from another show and combining it into a new show further proves these are not humans, these are marketing tools acting in these shows.

  3. This is like the one pre-teen/teenage show that I never watched. I think I saw a bit of it on TV once but Victoria Justice was doing a British accent to get this English guy to fall in love with her and it was awful so I had to change the channel.

    I never really liked Sam because she was so harsh. Why would Carly ever be friends with her? I think you’re right that Sam wouldn’t like Cat either. So weird.
    Nice piece!

    • I think they were hoping this would replace iCarly even though they started off these kids all too old. Victorious is already over and done with. I had never even heard of it until maybe a year ago. I thought Victoria Justice’s show was the cowboy show on FX called Justified. Maybe that would be a better crossover? I don’t know. These shows have such a simple formula. I bet they’re already in a lab creating the next song and dance princess.

  4. I love thse posts. You crack me up every single time! That comment about another nerd “named something else” made me spit my iced coffee. I’m not even one of those douchebags that do it for dramatic effect. If you can actually get me laughing fast enough to cause that to happen, you’re writing pure gold! Keep them coming!

    • Thanks Joe. I appreciate the kind words. I also appreciate I am not the only person who drinks more iced coffee in the PM hours than the AM. We’ve got plenty more in store!

  5. I saw an episode of this show once and cancelled my cable subscription. It was so awful it made me forget about ESPN. I feel bad about kids being used as marketing tools, but they’re way richer and prettier than me so that’s a world I am ill equipped to comment on. Thats like saying “hey child soldier, you should be reading instead of patrolling with that AK-47”. What I’m saying is, Nickelodeon and Disney have become worse thwn African warlords, and a billion times wealthier. Where is Amnesty International for child actors?

    How can you have a show with two kooky leads? That doesn’t make sense. Nickelodeon is just fucking with us now, knowing they can still sell ad spots for soda and teen shampoo even if it was a half hour show about a flatulant mic stand. At least, they could if they pick up my pilot: “Mike Farts’ School of Arts”

    • Is Mike Farts’ School of Arts (abbreviated by the fans MFSoA) a show where instead of singing or making art they are just competitive with farts? I like it.

      The characters were definitely the weak point in this show. They almost didn’t fit enough into the mold of what they need to work. I need to send Victoria Justice more gross things on Twitter. Eventually her lawyers will get a restraining order.

  6. Who the hell is VIctoria Justice?! I’m missing out on so many things I should really watch TV more. Or not. Cat Valentine’s character is idiotically funny. Is idiotically a word? It just irks me thinking she’s the shortest person in that video in all the scenes and I’m probably just as short as her. GRRR. Why am I not surprised that all of the students in this school wears the perfect outfit? Oh right. It’s an art school, it’s California, and it probably happens to 1 or less percent of the teens that was, is and maybe ever will be. So much for TV shows reflecting real life.


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