Angelina Ballerina

Mooselicker Says: The woman who wrote this as serious anger issues. I’m convinced. I know how to spot a menace to society when I see one. The actress who plays Merry over at …And Baby Makes Five… wrote this anti-English, anti-ballet, anti-rat or whatever it is Angelina Ballerina is supposed to be. Without anything else to say, let’s do this.

 I must get this first thing out of the way. Angelina Ballerina is BANNED at the Casa de Wench. Banned. I will not allow her whiny little voice to exit my television speakers and penetrate my eardrums. Nothing gets me riled up quite like Angelina.

If you are lucky enough to not have to hear this dancing mouse’s nasally, high-pitched British accent complaining about how she can’t get her own way, I envy you. Clear your guest room, because I’m moving in with you.

What’s the big problem? I’ll tell you what the big problem is. Angelina Ballerina is a whiny, bratty little shit. There. I said it. She lives with her mother, her father, and her little sister. She dances ballet at a class taught by Miss Lilly, a mouse who sounds like an American auditioning for the KGB. The Russian accent is so emphasized that one can only assume that it’s fake. She’s got to be an operative. I know Russian people, and they do NOT sound like Miss Lilly.

But my problem isn’t with Miss Lilly…it’s with that little spoiled mouseling, Angelina. Angelina makes various plots and schemes, and they inevitably fail, which leads to Angelina throwing a fit that, in my day, would have gotten me smacked…HARD. She wails at her mother and father about how “simply awful” things are, and what really grinds my gears (Family Guy reference, anyone?) is that no one ever corrects this little snot’s atrocious behavior. No one ever says “Angelina, shut the hell up and go to your room”. No, Angelina gets coddled until her rages go away. Angelina is fated to grow up and become that self-entitled person who everyone secretly just wants to smack the crap out of. I used to be a waitress, and people like Angelina made me want to break a serving tray over their heads.

I truly feel sorry for Angelina’s little sister. I can’t remember her name, because Angelina is that overpowering that for the life of me, other than Miss Lilly, I can’t remember any other character’s name! Angelina’s little sister shows more grace, poise, and maturity than Angelina, and what does she get for it? Nothing. She gets shoved into the background, to the point that I’m just waiting for the day when she walks in on one of Angelina’s rages and just clocks her a good one. I would pay money to see a “Tables, Ladders, & Chairs” match between the two sisters. Poor “Angelina’s Sister”…where’s a cat when you need one?

(Remember when the tag titles meant something? I think I was 12)

In short, if you want your children to grow up to be selfish, self-absorbed, temperamental lint-lickers, then by all means, put Angelina on a loop on the TV. There’s really no better show out there to teach your kids to become the type of people who everyone hates.

Just don’t be surprised in 20 years when I clock your now-grown loin-spawn a good one for being a useless lump of selfishness…

…I’ve got a mean right hook.

Mooselicker Says: Thanks for writing this up for us! I would have preferred a Hell in a Cell match between the sisters, but I also realize there hasn’t been a good one of those for a while. You can find more about this writer at her blog …And Baby Makes Five… To avoid her, only ever eat at a TGI Friday’s in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.