Land of the Lost

There were two versions of this television show and a really bad movie based on the same premise. I’m going to talk about them all here. Since there’s no real difference except for some of the slang and haircuts you shouldn’t get too “lost.” By that I mean you’re really stupid and may need to take notes to follow along.

The original Land of the Lost came out in 1974. This was the same year the Rumble in the Jungle took place where Mohammed Ali knocked out George Foreman for the boxing heavyweight title. I’m not sure why I chose that to be the most important thing to happen in 1974. I just don’t think Seth Green’s birth was all that important.

As the opening credits state, Rick Marshall and his kids Will and Holly are on a routine expedition on a raft when it goes over a waterfall and they get sucked into the Land of the Lost. What father goes on routine expeditions with his kids? Especially in 1974. Everything was already discovered. If they really wanted to find something new they would have been taking acid and exploring deeper parts of their minds instead. Maybe that turned out to be the big twist at the end of the series. I’m not sure. I never made it all the way through the marathon I watched on SyFy channel a few years ago.

(Dear Sir or Madame, you figure out who’s who)

The Land of the Lost is filled with a lot of strange things that don’t really exist. There are dinosaurs, aliens, unicorns, and other strange things that never existed. It’s basically True Blood with much less sex and you won’t feel incredibly gay after watching it.

In 1991 the show was remade for ABC. This new version was about Tom Porter and his son Kevin and daughter Annie. Instead of a raft, their jeep crashes through the earth during an earthquake. I guess rafts were much more popular in the 1970s or maybe Jeep paid to have their product featured on the show. This version is lot more about dinosaurs than the previous. The biggest difference is that Tom actually feels guilty for getting his kids stuck in this strange place. After his baby’s mama died he got too distracted with being a lawyer and no longer took his kids camping. Tom Porter is an excuse whore. Shouldn’t he have been more caught up in his work before the wife died? You know, to get away from her nagging that he should take the kids camping?

As is the curse placed on humanity, every 18 years or so Hollywood must turn back to Land of the Lost. In 2009 they made it into a high-budget film starring Will Ferrell. Also in the film were Danny McBride (Kenny Powers) and Anna Friel (my ex-girlfriend). Well, I shouldn’t say ex-girlfriend. We still do all the same things we used to do, but there is less emotional attachment to it and I never buy her dinner. The creepy thing about this is that Will Ferrell is named Rick like in the original, Danny McBride is named Will like the son in the original, and Anna Friel who plays Ferrell’s love interest is named Holly like Rick’s daughter in the original. Did they need to do this? Name her Sara or Maude.

(I never would have guessed Kenny Powers, Alex Trebek, and my ex-girlfriend would have all been in a movie together)

Land of the Lost is one of those ideas that will probably never really die. It’s a very simple idea where you don’t have to limit anything since everything takes place in a lost land. I think the original series in the 1970s was the best one because many of the episodes had a Twilight Zone like lesson about loving each other or other nonsense. Whenever a show can tell a short story about dinosaurs trying to kidnap a little girl then relate it to the Vietnam War and how silly it is, you have to give it some respect.*

*I don’t think they ever did that, but maybe.