How to Rock

Give me some credit, I actually watched a few episodes of this show to learn what it was all about. In many ways I regret watching it because it’s only right now and I had never heard of it before. That gives you an idea how not good it is.

How to Rock is a show that was on Nickelodeon last year in 2012 and was cancelled after one full season. When I said it was bad I didn’t mean it was that bad. It definitely deserved a longer run. Then again, the plot is so simple and the characters are so lame that I cannot imagine what else they could have done.

how to rock

The show stars Cymphonique Miller as Kacey, a girl who used to be popular but no longer is. She’s no longer popular apparently because she had braces for a year. Really? That makes someone unpopular? Popular kids are cruel and shallow. Braces would make her cooler because she’s being vain and taking care of her crooked teeth. Not that she’s no longer popular Kacey is in a band called Gravity 5. She’s the bossy leader in the band and it’s clear she still wishes she was popular. She comes off very mean to her friends most of the time and it was hard to ever feel sympathetic for her.

Gravity 5 of course has four other members. The bass player is Stevie, a girl. Stevie is tough and by far the best character on the show. She’s apparently supposed to be the brute in the group, but she’s actually really pretty and lovable. There’s also Zander. He plays the keyboard and guitar. Zander is vain and I know this from one episode because they all made a bet and he was no longer allowed to look in a mirror. He eventually does because Multiple Miggs threw semen on his cheek and it was the only way to get it off.

how-to-dress-like-gravity-5-2(Vain guy, flat character, main  girl, tough girl, other flat character)

Also in the band are Nelson and Kevin. One is black and one is white. Other than that, they are the same person. They are idiotic and don’t really have personalities. They remind me of a lot of people I went to high school with.

This show isn’t a simple “Let’s be in a band and make music” type of show. No. Gravity 5 have rivals known as The Perfs. I believe their full name is The Perfumes. The Perfs are led by Molly and her cohort Grace. Molly is basically the typical mean girl and Grace is a dimwitted sidekick. There are many other girls in The Perfs. I keep wanting to call them The Pervs. Really though, I guess that’s what we should call any adult male who watch this show.

Perf_Pose(The Perfs doing what the director told them would be funny, but isn’t)

The plots to the episodes seem to be about Kacey trying to look cool in The Perfs’ eyes while The Perfs try their best not to let Kacey know they miss her. That’s what I understood at least. All the while, Kacey seems to get embarrassed by her new friends in Gravity 5. I didn’t actually hear any of the music the band played because when that part came on I decided to watch YouTube videos on different hip stretches I can do. The sound on the YouTube videos was low so I had to mute the television.

How to Rock’s humor was a little below average for these types of shows. Not that many ever make me laugh out loud, How to Rock’s was just much more juvenile and simple. I almost felt bad during a few jokes at how simple and unclever they were.

Now instead of watching How to Rock I’m watching a show about haunted houses. In this episode a woman invited an old Native American friend of hers to get the ghost out. I would say this is racist except the Native American actually does seem to know what he’s doing. He’s telling them to burn sage then pour olive oil everywhere. We’re only a third of the way through the episode. I bet this doesn’t work.

2 thoughts on “How to Rock

  1. This show sounds brutal. I didn’t even know it was possible for a Nickelodeon show to get canceled. Yikes. The characters all sound really annoying. I feel like kids nowadays are so obnoxious. They must relate to each other somehow.
    Good for you for watching this. That’s more than I would’ve done. Or have done.

    • All Nickelodeon and Disney Channel does now is try to find new TV stars that they can make into musical stars while giving someone on the show a spinoff. That’s they’re formula. So annoying.


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