Wish Upon A Star

If I remember correctly, my brother and I had an unspoken rule where we had to watch the Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM) Wish Upon A Star whenever it was on TV. This was one of the earlier, 90’s DCOMs, but it was oh so good. The story was simple, concise, and intriguing for young minds like ours.Wish_Upon_a_Star

The story takes place in Colorado suburbia. They never actually address the fact that they’re in Colorado, but I’ve studied the license plates on the cars in the movie. The scene is set–two sisters wake up at roughly the same time. The younger one, Hayley, wears baggy clothes, doesn’t care about how she looks, and loves science. Hayley’s older sister Alexia, or Alex for short, takes her sweet time getting ready. She  shaves her legs every morning, no hair on her head is out of place, she wears new outfits every day, and calls her parents by their first names. Oh, and she’s also played by Katherine Heigl. I KNOW.

Proof that Katherine Heigl once had a rockin bod.

Proof that Katherine Heigl once had a rockin bod.

Their parents are psychologists who worry about the well being of their daughters. They prove this to the audience by showing both of them reading separate copies of the same issue of Psychology Today. Like, okay we get it. They’re also concerned about how much their daughters fight. But they make a decision not to interfere with punishment, knowing that it will only stoke the fire.

That night when the girls come home from school, Alex brings her boyfriend home to hot tub with and eventually break his heart. Hayley has her best friend over and they daydream about how cute Alex’s bf is. That night, Hayley and Alex see a shooting star at the same time and both wish to be each other. Very Freaky Friday-esque. The next morning, they have switched bodies and the fun begins.

Alex finding out she's now Hayley.

Alex finding out she’s now Hayley.

Hayley, now Alex, has to fit in with the popular girls, not eat breakfast, and finds out that last night she broke up with the boy she loves. Meanwhile Alex, now Hayley has to take an astronomy exam (what high school has an astronomy class?) which she faints to get out of and goes home.tumblr_m9plo1TGX51qbmbnx

The Hayley in Alex’s body gets back together with her ex, Kyle, breaks some nails by actually playing sports in gym, and almost crashing the Jeep because she doesn’t have her license. YIKES. When Alex finds out everything that Hayley has done to ruin her practically perfect life, she declares war the next day. This is where even more fun begins.

Alex dresses Hayley up in this stripper dominatrix pleather outfit for school. And Hayley as Alex wears the same outfit that she wore yesterday and doesn’t shower or brush her hair *gasp*. I don’t know who looks worse for wear. They continue the battle until they both get kicked out of school (I think?) and then they have to figure out how to get along in each other’s bodies before the big formal dance.wish-upon-a-star-dvd-danielle-harris-b243

Hayley has to take college interviews in her sister’s body, meanwhile Alex has to learn everything she can about Hayley’s science fair entry and present it for her. They work together and by the time the formal rolls around, they’ve wished on a new shooting star and switched bodies again. Who knew shooting stars were so common and powerful? wish-upon-a-star

One thing that I really liked about this movie was that the entire soundtrack was Moonpools and Catepillars. Their song is playing in the first scene of the movie, and Alex in Hayley’s body is watching their music video when she stays home sick, and later at the formal they perform live. LIKE WHAT. My high school had so much money but we couldn’t even afford live performers so how could they? I don’t understand. Moonpools and Catepillars‘ album “Lucky Dumpling” is pretty good actually. I’m particularly fond of the songs “Hear” and “Colossal Youth”. You can watch the entire movie on youtube!

 

 

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City Guys

City Guys would be a great title for a show about mobsters, gangsters, and homeless people in big jackets. But like how The Killers, a semi-sensitive band, managed to snatch up such a perfect metal name, City Guys was snatched up by producers who decided to make it a show about a public high school in Manhattan sans the gun violence. It never was a very popular show, but certainly one that had an effect on me as a young hairless boy.

city guys(Airbrushing didn’t exist yet?)

City Guys was on for 5 seasons and had over 100 episodes which means it can be syndicated. Has anyone ever seen a syndicated episode of City Guys? I don’t think so. Nobody wants it. How sad is that? The two main characters of the show are Jamal and Chris. I’ll give you one guess which one is the black one. They’re best friends and do the morning radio show at Manhattan High sometimes called Manny High. This aspect of the morning radio show isn’t all that important to the plot. The only memorable thing about it is them saying “Goooood morning Manny High!” It was very morning zoo.

Jamal and Chris are pretty much the same person. They of course have a diverse group of friends because this is a Manhattan public school. Unfortunately, it’s not true to life. Let’s be honest, most Manhattan public schools are probably ethnic. This school was split evenly among all the races. No school is that evenly mixed.

In this motley group are two females, Dawn and Cassidy. Dawn is a smart and attractive redhead. Cassidy is a bit ditzy and blonde. They may not have the school demographic accurate, but at least they fill in the stereotype of redheads being smart and mousey and blondes being dumb and slutty. I always had a crush on Cassidy because she was blonde and reminded me of the cute girls at school who would ignore me. When I found out the actress was also from New Jersey I thought I might have had a chance with her. I could talk to her about what the odds were that we’d be from the same state. She’d say “1 in 50” and then not talk to me anymore because she was born in 1975 and what would she be doing talking to a fat 14-year-old?

rob van dam(I guess in one episode they meet Rob Van Dam. Cool)

The group of friends also has two more males who hang with them. One is named Al. Al is some flavor of Spanish. He rides a bike (racist) and has a really big family that lives in a small apartment (racist again). I always thought Al was Asian for some reason, but his last name was Ramos so unless the Spaniards conquered Taiwan at some point, I was wrong. There’s also Lionel L-Train Johnson. L-Train was the Screech character in this show. He was dumb and a lot older than everyone else. He got some of the funniest lines too because the idiots always get the good lines.

The only reoccurring adult character of value was Principal Noble whom the kids called Ms. Noble because they were cruel and I guess wanted to remind her that she was unmarried and alone. Ms. Noble is best known for playing Donovan McNabb’s mom in the old Campbell’s Soup commercials. Donovan whined that he wanted his real mom to be in the commercials so the actress who played Ms. Noble was fired. Then Donovan McNabb went on to choke in the playoffs for the fifth straight year.

Typical of other shows fitting this formula, City Guys followed this group’s adventures in high school and their city problems. Dating, dealing with parents, and other things were usually fodder for City Guys. The one episode other than the episode where Shaun Weiss plays a flower delivery guy that stands out to me is the Christmas episode. My family wasn’t going to get a Christmas tree that year then my sister watched the City Guys episode and she bought us a tree. I guess in a way she bought herself a tree more than anything else.

city guys cast(Look, another picture of them doing nothing)

I would recommend anyone to check out City Guys if they ever had the chance. They probably won’t ever have the chance though because I have no idea how you would ever get yourself a copy. Search through yard sale VHS bins. I’m sure somewhere out there someone taped all of the episodes and then you can thank me for recommending a C minus show.

I looked it up and the show did make syndication on WGN. It was also briefly syndicated on BET from October 2, 2010 until October 16, 2010. Yes, two weeks.

High School Musical

On June 6, 1944 a bunch of ships were launched from England headed for Normandy in France in something famously referred to us “Operation Run Up A Beach Without A Shield Trying Not To Get Killed.” This launch helped the course for the Allies winning WWII. I’m here to talk about another launch though. I’m here to talk about the Disney Channel Original Movie that helped to launch the careers of many of our favorite and least favorite kid’s stars, High School Musical.

HSMposter

No one could have anticipated how big High School Musical would have turned out to be. I say the same thing about my wife. Does she ever stop eating? I’m kidding, I’m not married. But if I was married it probably would be to someone who can’t stop gaining weight.

The film starts off on New Year’s Eve at karaoke (I already want to vomit) when Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are both called upon to sing a song together. They’re immediately attracted to each other because Vanessa Hudgens is really pretty and so is Zac Efron.

Zanessa-zac-efron-and-vanessa-hudgens-1958395-827-1222(Look how beautiful they are! By far my favorite lesbian couple)

Winter Break ends, and yes it’s winter break because they have to be politically correct, and school starts again. It turns out Vanessa Hudgens has moved into town because her father is a cannibal who was chased out of her old mountain town. Not really, but that would have been cool.

The two pretty girls remain friends and Vanessa Hudgens tries to get Zac Efron to sign-up for the school musical. Zac Efron is torn because he’s a basketball player and it would ruin his reputation as being straight. The big problem here though is that the drama club is beginning tryouts for a play in January and the play is performed before basketball season ends, which would probably be sometime in March. What do they do the rest of the year? I thought high school usually spent all year preparing for one play and selling some cookie dough or crappy pizza on the side. I should probably have a bigger problem with the random song and dance than this, but I don’t.

As the film progresses, Zac Efron has to figure out if basketball is more important to him than having sex with Vanessa Hudgens, which he will most likely get to do if he joins the drama club. Vanessa Hudgens though is really quiet and a geek in the film so she’s very attainable. He could have easily stuck with basketball and still gotten her.

zac-vanessa-elle-magazine-08(At one point Zac ends up in prison and has to dye his hair even more blonde to fit in with the Aryans. Vanessa proves to him that she’s loyal though and often comes to visit him. The above screenshot is after he tells her that he’s breaking out and will be able to make the audition on time)

The film isn’t actually about a school musical either. It’s more about trying out for one. One time in high school I wrote the names of a bunch of students I didn’t like on the tryout list for the school play because I thought it would get them in trouble or beat up by their peers. I was so cool.

The big problem in this film though is that the big championship basketball game and the scholastic decathlon that Vanessa Hudgens is participating in (yeah right) are at the same time as the tryouts for the play. Would they really schedule it this way? That’s nonsense. If they knew they had two talented students in their school they would have embraced that, especially if it meant the school could make a couple bucks. The two end up messing with some computers and they manage to get to the tryouts on time and they win the lead roles. Wow. I forgot how bad this movie was.

A few of the other important characters were Efron’s teammate Corbin Bleu who plays himself. There’s also Ashley Tisdale who plays a rich snob character named Sharpay who is trying out for the play with her brother. That seems really gross to me. Why would you want to do any extracurricular activity with a family member besides maybe a funeral? Her brother is some blonde guy who I think I saw at a bar in New York once. Everyone was gathered around him and this was around the time High School Musical 2 came out so I swear it probably was him. I thought the same thing about Michael Cera back in 2006, before I knew what his real name was. I sat at the bar yelling “George Michael! George Michael!” seeing if he would look and he didn’t so it probably wasn’t him, right?

Grabeel208(This is the guy I saw. I didn’t get to see his pale hairless knee though)

There’s also a black chick in this movie who never went on to do much and some random fat girl who got bigger parts as High School Music 2 and High School Musical 3: It’s Not A Cult, We Swear came out.

I should probably mention the musical numbers as this was indeed a musical. I never much cared for any of the music. Especially douche is the end song they sing, “We’re All in this Together.” As if any of them actually believe that. High school is cutthroat. Please don’t make it seem as if anyone else there cares about you.

The Wiggles

As far as creepy Australian kids shows go, I think The Wiggles take the cake. The Wiggles are a group of middle-aged men that sing and perform children’s songs on their television show and also live on stage. The group consists of  5 members (Anthony, Phillip, Murray, Greg, and Jeff) that have changed over time. Usually there were only 4 of them on the show so I think they would rotate members or something. However, the five that I just mentioned are the original Wiggles and I refuse to acknowledge any new members.TheWiggles(TVSeries1)Logo

The TV show takes place in this cutesy little neighborhood where fully costumed dinosaurs and dogs reside next door to 5 men living together. Some of the men like to garden, others like to cook, and all of them like to sing. I’m not going to assume that they’re gay, but I’m also not going to NOT assume it.

They all have their own hobbies and interests, but I think it’s a little beyond what kids can absorb. It’s a very simple show. So simple that I can barely remember anything about it. A lot of times the Wiggles will be doing something and then they’ll get distracted by their own singing. Like, they’ll make fruit salad and sing an entire song about it and the audience doesn’t even get to watch them eat it because when they finish the song, the scene ends.

I don't know who is who and I don't really care either.

I don’t know who is who and I don’t really care either.

Also, most of their songs are pretty repetitive. And by repetitive, I mean that some of the songs consist of 2 words over and over. Namely “Hot Potato” and “Fruit Salad”. I do like that they sing about food often. They know what’s up.

There’s definitely a silly pirate character, Captain Feathersword, who lives on a pirate ship. And unlike the dog and the dinosaur neighbors, the Captain is actually a man wearing pirate clothes. It’s a weird mixture of costumes. I feel like the creators couldn’t decide what to do so they just used all of the costumes that Australia had to offer.The wiggles perform during G'Day USA week in Los Angeles, in January.

Sometimes the show will go to clips of the guys singing in front of a real life background (the ocean, the park, etc), and sometimes they’ll be on their set. Other times, the show will lazily play a clip from a recorded live concert which is just so lame.

Beethoven

Years ago I had a dream that I was in a bar. A pretty girl approached me in this bar and we began to talk. I was honest, sweet, kind, my normal height, looked the way I look in real life, made the same amount of money I did, and because of this I had no shot with her. As she walked away I shouted, “You should sleep with me! I was the kid in the Beethoven movies!” I woke up after that because I was too excited after she said yes. Who would have thought a movie about a Saint Bernard could have almost turned into a sex dream for me?

Beethoven stars Charles Grodin, Bonnie Hunt, the oldest girl from The Nanny, Mark from Step by Step (the one I pretended to be in my dream), a little girl, Stanley Tucci, and Oliver Platt. Oh and there’s a dog that well, is sadly long dead.

beethoven(The Beethoven Family sitting on their front stoop and getting foot prints on the ass of their pants)

The movie opens with Beethoven as a pup. There are some bad guys who in a very 101 Dalmatians way try to kidnap dogs from the pet store. A few of the dogs escape, including Beethoven. He’s then discovered by the Newton Family because kid’s movies can never have families with weird last names.

Much to the chagrin of Charles Grodin, I think Grodin should be another word for curmudgeon, the family takes Beethoven into their home. They decide to name him Beethoven when the little girl plays a Beethoven song on the piano and Beethoven starts barking. When we got my dog McGwire we named him that because he was a cheater who cried in front of congress because he had to take steroids to be better at baseball.

In the meantime, Beethoven becomes a real part of the family. There’s something with David Duchovny being a dick and then getting dragged across the lawn. Joseph Gordon-Levitt also make an appearance as Student #1. I’m not making that up either. Oliver Platt and Stanley Tucci are the two bumbling sidekicks who work for an old scientist guy and they’re pretty funny. Yeah, I’m not even making these paragraphs make sense anymore. They’re just rambling out facts because I can’t remember what happens in Beethoven and what happens in the sequel, Beethoven’s Second.

beethbbffeat(I don’t remember this part from Beethoven, but the picture comes up in Google Images. This very well could be from The Sandlot instead)

Beethoven’s Second (look, it’s like you’re getting two for the price of one) is just as good as the original. There’s no real difference other than Beethoven knocks up a girl dog and they have babies. Of course there are people who want the puppies so they can skin them alive or eat them. Do people really ever do things like that to dogs? I think this was invented so dog movies would have bad guys.

This sequel takes place at a summer home. My summer home was being at home without my parents there. I would eat Lunchables every day and watch movies or go on the computer. How was that so much fun back then? Now when I do that today I feel pathetic and want to kill myself. But I don’t because if you don’t kill yourself successfully then you’re stuck having to put up with people pretending to care. That’s so annoying.

The best part of either film, and probably of any of the lame sequels that followed that didn’t feature many of the same cast members, was when they had to put their hands in dog poop to see if it was still warm to track if the dogs were nearby. There was also a great part when the girl from The Nanny is at a party and some of the college kids are pouring beer from a deck onto Beethoven’s face. Beethoven is tied to the pillar holding up the deck and he gets angry at having beer thrown on him so he pulls away and breaks the deck. All of the college kids fall down and it’s funny because they had their whole lives ahead of them to be douchebags and it came to an abrupt end right then and there.

Both of these films are great for animal lovers. They have the simple joys that movies like these are meant to provide. The good guys win, the bad guys lose, and Charles Grodin frowns a lot. What more could you ask for? Right, for the dog to talk. The dog doesn’t talk in this movie so don’t think it will or for that matter, do not assume that any other dog will.

Here’s the trailer that gives away the entire movie.

Cyberchase

 Mooselicker says: This was written by Mark over at The Animation Commendation. He knows a lot more about Kidz Showz than we ever could know and he might be the creator of Arthur. I’m not sure. I’m too afraid to ask.

cyberchase1

Who here can honestly say that they never grew up with PBS?

 cyberchase2

Quite amusing! Well, the fact is that the vast majority of people viewing this page have indeed grown up with PBS and their many shows including “Arthur”, “Barney & Friends”, “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood”, “The Magic School Bus”, “Sesame Street”, “Caillou”, “Clifford the Big Red Dog”, etc. And I’m no exception! Many of the PBS shows are dear and beloved to me, but one show in particular that I have a predilection for is none other than “Cyberchase”!

 cyberchase3

Don’t bother looking up the definition of “predilection”! Just pay attention to what I have to say!

With the focus of the show being mathematics, this show was pretty much loved by all critics! But the average kid reception was somewhat mixed. Basically, the ones who hated school disliked the idea of coming home and learning more math!

 cyberchase4

The show featured three Earth kids, Jackie, Matt, and Inez, who have the ability to get transported to the digital world of Cyberspace.

 cyberchase5

Hey, it could’ve been worse! They could have been transported to a land of fire-breathing dragons!

Cyberspace is run by a leader named Motherboard (what else would she be named), who’s not in fully functioning order for pretty much the entire series.

 cyberchase6

Ruled by a hologram in a computer? Sounds a bit Orwellian to me!

The reason being that an evil nemesis and once-good guy named Hacker (aka “THE Hacker”) constantly does his best to destroy Motherboard’s circuitry and take over Cyberspace for himself! And this lovable bad guy is voiced by none other than the amazing Christopher Lloyd himself!

 cyberchase7

“It’ll take a lot more than 1.21 ‘jigowatts’ to overthrow Motherboard!”

Speaking of celebrity voices, the kids make friends with a formerly bad cy-bird named Digit who helps them frustrate the Hacker’s evil schemes and is voiced by none other than the…umm…indescribable Gilbert Gottfried!

 cyberchase8

So many similarities…soooo many similarities!

Now you may be wondering, “How does mathematics play a role in this show?”. Well, basically all of Hacker’s plans are thwarted by our three heroes and Digit by the use of some mathematical principle or principles, be they the use of levers, understanding of coordinate systems, the laws of probability, recognizing sequences and patterns, possessing algebraic knowledge, understanding volume, equalizing ratios, making sensible estimations, performing measurement conversions, solving logic puzzles, trudging through long division, understanding properties of circles, locating objects on grids, or a plethora of other math topics that my tiredness prevents me from mentioning!

 cyberchase9

There’s enough material in here for a score of seasons!

The show has been on hiatus since 2010, but apparently is due for another season later this fall. If it does indeed resume, I will definitely be watching it!

Rolie Polie Olie

Shows like Rolie Polie Olie show that creativity in children’s television isn’t completely lost. The show actually takes place on a different planet, even in a different universe perhaps. In this familiar world live Olie Polie and his family. They’re a very round looking people, but they don’t look chunky. They’re just literally made of spheres. Whatever. They pull it off.

Olie is a cute, friendly child with a creative imagination. He’s always playing games and hanging out with his friend Billy Bevell who happens to be his next door neighbor. Instead of being a circular family like Olie’s, Billy’s family is made up of cubes. I guess it’s true that opposites attract. Maybe they’ll grow up and there’ll be a war between the cubes and the spheres and they’ll become mortal enemies. Billy’s cat, Dicey, is even square. Ahh I hope when Billy grows up people call him a square.

Olie, Billy, and Zowie

Olie, Billy, and Zowie

So I believe that everyone in this world is robotic. I don’t know who made them–robots have to be constructed, right? They can’t just be born. So that’s kind of weird. Someone’s playing God on the Rolie planet. Olie’s parents are nice people who live in a teapot shaped house (random?). They also have a 2 year old daughter named Zowie (pronounced Zoe) and a circular dog named Spot. Like most 2 year olds, Zowie is a big bitch. Throughout the show you end up meeting a lot of Olie’ family–his uncle who kind of talks like and resembles Elvis, his grandparents, his great aunts and uncles–it gets to be a bit extreme. Like, how does Olie have more family members than I do?

I have a bone to pick with the Polie family. They don’t send their kids to school. Well, apparently in new episodes they do because wikipedia said that Olie has a teacher but let me assure you that he didn’t have one when I was watching. Zowie is obviously too young to attend school, but Olie is 8! He should be learning robot cursive by now.

Anyway, Rolie Polie Olie is a pretty entertaining show since it takes place in a different world. I’ll leave you with the intro so you get a little taste of his life.

Hey Dude

“Hey Dude” is something you would say to a friend while in California as a greeting or attempt to get their attention. Hey Dude is also the title of a popular television show on Nickelodeon from the early 1990s. The Dude part of the title comes from the fact the show takes place on a dude ranch. I don’t know what a dude ranch is exactly. I think it’s somewhere you’re allowed to smoke pot near a horse.

Unlike its cousin show Salute Your Shorts, Hey Dude doesn’t have as many memorable characters, moments, or episodes so a lot of this could just be made up and no one would really know. Apparently the show was about a guy named Ben from New Jersey who got a divorce then bought the Bar None Dude Ranch to escape his high pressured job as a New York City accountant. Couldn’t he have just gotten an accounting job somewhere else? Somebody knows how to take a mid-life crisis a little too far.

hey dude

There are originally four staff members on this dude ranch. The first on the Wikipedia page is Bradley “Brad” Taylor, a female who is rich and rides horses. And of course, no relation to Brad Taylor from Home Improvement. Then there’s Ted who is the love interest despite being named Ted. He’s apparently a troublemaker. Danny is the Hopi-Indian member of the staff and he’s really relaxed and never accepts blankets as gifts. There’s also Melody who is from Allentown, Pennsylvania for some reason. She’s a lifeguard and teaches dance. She’s played by the only person who went on to have a decent career after, Christine Taylor. You may know her best as Ben Stiller’s wife aka only ever gets work in things Ben Stiller is in.

christine taylor(Admittedly, I’m always a little bothered when people look the same their entire lives)

There is a bunch of other people too. There’s Lucy who Wikipedia describes as a ranch hand. I guess that’s better than being described as the ranch bicycle if you know what I mean. I mean at least she’s not a whore. There’s Kyle, Lucy’s ex-boyfriend’s son which means she probably slept with him to get back at the boyfriend. There’s Jake, Ben’s nephew from Los Angeles. I’m sure he did typical Los Angeles things like said “cut to the chase” and “you’ll never work in this town again!” Finally there’s Buddy, Ben’s son. My dad’s dog’s name is Buddy. I don’t know who is less creative.

Only one episode of the 65 produced over 5 seasons remains in my head. In the episode a man came to the ranch. Someone overheard him saying he was there to “shoot everyone” then “blow them up.” Of course they thought this guy was a terrorist but he ended up being a photographer and there was a whole misunderstanding. He was going to shoot them with his camera and then blow up the pictures to make them really big. This joke would never work today because what kind of a dumb photographer doesn’t use digital?

Hey Dude is a show that if you missed it when it was originally on, you didn’t really miss much. Stick with Salute Your Shorts instead.

Didi Conn and Kidz Showz

I don’t know what made me think of Didi Conn the other day. For some reason she must have been channeling my brain, asking to be featured on this blog. Who am I to deny such greatness?

Didi Conn is most famously known for her role as Frenchy in Grease. You know, the mousy girl who dyes her hair pink? Beauty School Drop-out? Embarrassingly enough, Didi Conn also went on to play the same role in Grease 2. Desperate times. However, long after Grease, which I would actually consider kid’s movie, Didi Conn went on to do other, more pathetic projects. That being said, the characters she chose were always happy and lovable. Either she was being type-cast, or she wasn’t acting at all and she’s actually that happy all the time.frenchy grease

One endeavor from Ms. Conn’s resume that I remember from my early childhood is Shining Time Station. Didi played Stacy Jones, the manager of the train station. There were a couple of kids on the show, one was supposed to be her nephew. My first thought, looking back at this show, was why weren’t these kids in school? And if they did manage to ditch every day, why would they pick a train station to hang out in? Gross. There were a couple of other characters, one of them named Schemer who was actually pretty funny. George Carlin was also randomly in this show. Even more random is that Mr. Carlin took over the role that Ringo Starr originally played. The late 80’s/early 90’s were such magical times.DidiConn

This show was somehow connected to the success of Thomas the Tank Engine and parts of it were even incorporated into the movie Thomas and the Magic Railroad, which Didi Conn also appeared.  Train fetish anyone?

Didi Conn is lucky because she has a weird voice and I think she realized early on that lending her voice to cartoons could totally be her thing. She played a part in popular kid’s shows like The Jetsons (only one episode), The Flintstones (The Flintstone’s Family Christmas TV movie…yikes), and The Wild Thornberrys where she played the part of Muskox #2. She didn’t even score the lead Muskox! The first Muskox must have been a big star. Nope. I just checked. Muskox #1 was played by a nobody. Come on Didi, you’re better than that. I think.

As you can see, Didi Conn hates herself because she keeps signing up for skimpy roles. I guess you have to take what you can get these days. I just picture her scream-crying to her agent that she was in Grease and deserves better than this.

Sonny With A Chance

Before she was a household name. Before she discovered cocaine. Before she posted pictures of herself online of herself without makeup to prove that women don’t need makeup to be beautiful, but really was probably just bragging that she’s more attractive than the average female, Demi Lovato was the lead in a television show called Sonny with a Chance. On this show she played a girl named Sonny. Did she have a chance? She did. One rail of white powder later, those chances disappeared.

Allison “Sonny” Munroe lives in Wisconsin. She roots for the Packers, eats lots of cheese, and wonders why there are so many Vietnamese in her neighborhood. She eventually lands a role on a sketch comedy show which helps her move to LA. In LA she has no football team to root for, can’t eat anything because it’s Hollywood and thin is in, and she wonders why there are so many Koreans living in her neighborhood.

sonny with a chance cast(They couldn’t have tried to at least spread out the attractive people and not keep them all on the right? Bah I’m kidding. The ugly ones are on the right)

The show Sonny gets a role on is called So Random! I remember in high school people would describe themselves as being random and it was supposed to be a good thing. Random is not good. Collateral damage during war? Random! Henry Lee Lucas’s victims? Random! Those who hurt us in life? Not random. They’re always the ones we keep closest to us.

So Random is a lot like All That. It has its own small cast of characters. There’s Tawni Hart, the blonde ditzy girl who will probably end up in a loveless marriage because she’s so evil. Nico Harris, the black guy. Grady Mitchell, the fat guy. Zora Lancaster, this really weird thing that lives in the walls and it’s kind of like a little girl, but not really. I don’t know. She always frightened me.

So-random-1-(Zora, Tawni, Sonny, Nico, Grady. This of course is left to right. My apologizes to the Chinese readers who do things right to left)

The show is not simply about putting on sketches, although after Demi Lovato went to rehab I think that’s what it became. On the studio lot next door to the filming of So Random is where Makenzie Falls is filmed. Makenzie Falls is basically a One Tree Hill type show where prep school kids have prep school kid problems, like actually being able to afford their abortions. The star of the show is a heartthrob named Chad Dylan Cooper, an obvious parody of Chad Michael Murray.

A main aspect of the show is the love story between Sonny and Chad. Chad likes to toy with her because he’s a good looking young man, something all good looking young men do to women. Sonny will eventually grow up bitter about the way she was treated and she will treat kindhearted men the way Chad treated her. This kindhearted men will then treat all women horribly, their daughters included, and those girls will grow up to be attracted to men like Chad. At a young age, the cycle continues.

chad dylan cooper(I couldn’t tell you the last time I was this close to another human being)

I always liked the character Sonny because she was believably ditzy and always screwing up majorly. Once she would convince her sketch group to go on a mission with her to do something, she would usually blow the plan. Wow I’m talking about Demi Lovato and blow and it has nothing to do with her drug addiction. How’d I pull that off?

I felt bad when Demi Lovato went into rehab in real life because I thought she was one of the few Disney stars who seemed genuine. Selena Gomez always struck me as a real bitch and Miley Cyrus is a child of privilege. Demi Lovato always felt like the third wheel in that threesome who never got the respect she deserved. Wow I’m talking about Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus with the word threesome and it has nothing to do with sex. How’d I pull that off?

Sonny with a Chance, deserves a chance. It’s pretty strange at times, keeping with the Disney Channel’s mold of not necessarily being funny, but instead being really strange.