Disney Princess Misfits

I really didn’t know what to title this one. Not too long ago, I wrote about Disney Princesses and while I was writing and researching (I’m making this blog sound so important) I came across so many female characters that get swept under the rug because they aren’t technically princesses. So I figured I would touch on some of those gals because being a princess these days is totally overrated.

I guess I’ll start with Alice from Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland which Disney turned into “Alice in Wonderland”. You still with me? Can you tell that I don’t know how to use quotes or italics? Sweet.

Alice was a pretty chill kid who lived in the English countryside. I always loved her blue poofy dress with the white apron, white tights and mary janes. So adorbs. Even though the girl can dress, she’s not a princess. She falls asleep under a tree and when she “wakes up” she chases a white rabbit down it’s hole. Lots of white in this story. Soon Alice is tumbling down into wonderland where she meets many different characters. Some of them are super trippy (The Caterpillar), some are mad (The Mad Hatter, The March Hare, The Cheshire Cat), and some are just plain weird (Tweedledee and Tweedledum, The Queen of Hearts). Alice doesn’t talk too much in her animated movie, but she manages to cry a lot. Typical girl. At the end we realize it was only a dream and that Alice must be on some sort of drug.tumblr_md3d96OozM1rkbqbko1_500

This next babe didn’t make princess status either, but she’s probably the most undeserving so it’s fine. Wendy Darling from Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up. Oh cool Wendy. I’m pretty sure there’s a club for that–it’s called EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Like Alice, Wendy goes on an adventure, but she has to bring along her brothers, John and Michael. Peter Pan, their guide, never grew up because he escaped the real world and went to live in Neverland. He shows the kids how to fly, introduces them to all of his friends, and almost gets them killed multiple times. Gee, what a pal. Wendy ends up going home because she can’t hack being a kid forever and ends up playing “mother” to all the lost boys. BUZZKILL.tumblr_meb489Edbo1qgwqw9o1_500tumblr_meb489Edbo1qgwqw9o2_500

After that I would have to say my main bitch Pocahontas makes the list. Now, she was probably the closest to being a princess because she was the daughter of a chief and eventually made it over to England to dress in the finest gowns. She knew what was up. However, she was a bit of a free spirit and didn’t wear shoes for a good portion of her life. John Smith made her realize that white men aren’t so bad, even though they end up killing most of her people. She’s basically a traitor is what I’m trying to say. But she’s a pretty traitor, who can talk to animals and paint with all the colors of the wind and cliff dive. All the makings of a Native American princess. tumblr_mq4wnfpAB01rtol7zo1_500

Esmeralda definitely belongs on this list because she’s beautiful and kind and has a goat. She’s also a gypsy. In The Hunchback of Notre Dame, she plays the object of affection towards many men. Almost every man. This movie was kind of messed up actually. Like, Quasimodo was super into her and so was Phoebus the knight (or whatever he was. He wore armor so he’s a knight in my eyes.). Frollo, the evil archbishop who locked Quasimodo away was also into Esmeralda but in like, a creepy, rape-y way. She befriended Quasimodo for reasons unbeknownst to me (she’s nothing like the gypsies on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding) but ultimately chooses Phoebus in the end. Smart decision, but very improbable. Nice try Disney.tumblr_mcb719pKRb1rfsim9o14_500

Is it just me or are there more non-princesses than actual princesses? This is exhausting. Megara makes the list because she’s a bitch and super skinny and sings really good songs. She has a past of falling in love with the bad boys and for some reason she makes deals with Hades, the god of the Underworld. Hercules, half mortal, half god, grows up on Earth and makes a name for himself with his strength and fighting powers. Hades puts Meg in Herc’s path to distract him from fighting. They both end up falling in love. Meg sacrifices herself for Hercules and ends up becoming a goddess which is way better than princess status. So screw you Meg.tumblr_mrdvq0FO3y1s07c2eo3_r1_500

Last but not least is Fa Mulan. She’s the daughter of a lower to middle class Chinese family. I don’t know why they didn’t leave her to die (didn’t they hate girls?) but it’s a good thing they kept her. Instead of going to the matchmaker and becoming a perfect bride, Mulan sneaks off to the army to protect and honor her family’s name. I’m pretty sure cross-dressing would only tarnish people’s idea of your family, but Mulan goes for it, trains hard, saves China, and eventually gets a husband. She also has a pet dragon and talks to her ancestors. So I guess you could say that she’s well rounded. The perfect anti-princess.tumblr_mq68ppVWA61ql8bk7o2_250

Who is your favorite Disney misfit? Can you think of others?

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18 thoughts on “Disney Princess Misfits

  1. Well, you could have titled it “Disney Heroines” or something like that, but we all get the point that you’re trying to come across with.

    Alice is my favorite female Disney character ever! She’s just so likable! (I mean the one from the animated classic, not Mia Wasikowska from Tim Burton’s version) And I find Wendy’s mother extremely beautiful.

    Actually both Pocahontas AND Mulan are OFFICIAL Disney Princesses! And as you may or may not know, I’m very much against Mulan being considered an official Disney princess because she’s not a prince’s wife nor a king’s daughter, but what are you gonna do?

    You could have also talked about characters who ARE actual princesses, but are NOT included in the official Disney Princess line such as Kida from “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” and Eilonwy (my favorite Disney “princess”) from “The Black Cauldron”.

    • Yeah I could have done Disney Heroines, it has a much better ring, but I guess I don’t think of Alice or Wendy as heroines per se. Not in the sense that they’re female heroes or in the sense that they have admirable qualities haha.

      Alice’s story is awesome, and when I was young I really really liked her, but now I feel like she was kind of complainy. But I guess she was just scared hah. I didn’t really like Tim Burton’s version, but I did like that it kind of combined Lewis Carroll’s other tale of the Jabberwoky. Kind of an interesting take on it.

      Pocahontas and Mulan shouldn’t be Disney princesses! Neither of them marry into royalty or are born into it, ya know? Kind of weird. But I do remember them being included for sure. You’re right.

      See, I only saw Atlantis once, so I don’t remember it too well. It was towards the end of my childhood. Haha. You should write about it though! And I don’t think I’ve seen The Black Cauldron all the way through! Yikes…!

      • I use the word “heroine” to mean just the female protagonist. It doesn’t really imply any sort of traits/qualities when I use it.

        I can accept Pocahontas as a princess because she is the daughter of the chief, i.e. the daughter of the person in power in her community, which makes her the “princess” of the community. But, I still am staunchly against Mulan’s inclusion.

        Don’t worry, not seeing “The Black Cauldron” all the way through is nothing to be ashamed of, lol!

  2. I forgot about so many of these. The Hercules lady and the Hunchback of Notre Dame one, Esmeralda. I remember Esmeralda was a lot bigger than the actual movie. My sister may have even been her for Halloween one year. This was of course pre-9/11.

    P.S. This could have been better. You should have done other things.

    • Yeah I think they tried to pump Esmeralda because Demi Moore did her voice. I thought Hunchback was super traumatizing. The scene of the Feast of Fools or whatever where the towns people tie up Quasimodo and throw tomatoes at him made me so sad! Also, I think Hunchback has the best Disney song ever. Not because they’re catchy, but they’re produced really well. You’re probably like ummm yeah I don’t care.

      HAHA I know right? Why did I even post this piece of trash?

  3. I have never seen any of the movies past Pocahontas, and I didn’t even really like that one because I think I was too old when it came out. I really liked Maid Marion in Robin Hood when I was a kid. I think she is just barely not a princess though, since her uncle is a king. Maybe she’s a Dame or something. Oh but wait, you have to be married to be a dame, right? It’s a good thing I’m not British.

    • Omg whaa? DUDE. Hunchback is so good and so is Hercules and wait…so is Mulan. You’re missing out! Pocahontas was okay. Not my fave either but I watched it a lot when I was younger because I was young and there was nothing else to watch.
      I haven’t seen Robin Hood in sooo long. But I always liked the feel of that movie. Maybe the animation or something? Something was awesome about that one. I also liked that song that went “Robin Hood and Little John running through the forest…”
      But yeah Maid Marion was chic. I totally forgot about her!

  4. Meg is my favorite Disney character. I love that she tried to tell Herc to eff off at first. A rarity in Disney damsels.

    I always hated Wendy. And I hated her stupid daughter in the awful-sequel even more. Indians should have killed them all.

  5. Oh man, I loved all these movies even if Wendy is a bitch. I’d just like to point out that Disney has no balls for depicting what really happened to Pocahontas (raped multiple times then killed bwaha) and Mulan (probably the same but I’m not sure of anything other than it’s tragic and probably rated R or whatever you call the rate for adult movies there). But well, Disney is Disney. And it provided me happiness in my childhood and disappointments as an adult. I couldn’t ask for more.

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